Humor: A Manner of Speaking

I would say that manners are important, but that is a gross understatement for some while simultaneously being a ridiculous overstatement for others. 

There are some humorists whose storytelling ability is astounding. Their command of language and tireless capacity for rendering themselves intelligible, compelling, and delightfully entertaining is unmatched. 

Karl Marx thought that to pun was a sure sign of "the intellectual lumpen proletariat." 


Paradise was Lost, not found. The self-appointed arbiters of taste often consider laughing to be less dignified, much like those in the eighteenth-century self-appointed themselves as equal arbiters of taste and refinement did before them. 


Good humor is hilariously funny. It makes you laugh from the inside out. I lived in the serious world, it's not so great. The aristocracy offers with it a tradition that rises above all social ills; it is as close to Utopia as Sir Thomas More could have meticulously described. It is thought-provoking, all-encompassing, and deeply alluring. 


Yet, humor is contemporary, fresh, and select in its brilliance. It is soft, human, and assembled with the core of good intention, where the beauty of the ideal is neither country, nor civilized notion, it is unicity acknowledged and innocently accepted. It is genuine affection for life in a world obsessed with money, power, conquest, and sanctimonious bullshit. 


Every spot where the old world has not yet died out, places that are still overrun with oppression, are transparent against humor's denouement. We're not fugitives in our own land, long expelled from Eden as a manner of learned influence. No one is keeping us off the grass. The extreme fiction of life is that living is indeed subjective, which means we choose, perhaps not our experience, but our experience of experience. Humor dissolves the self and the part of us that thinks finally interacts without impediment. This interaction is where kindness can be found. 


Humor was Shakespeare's masterpiece of devices that could equally delight and entertain us in our follies over nothing. We're still slipping on the proverbial banana peel, but we laugh every time. Therefore humor is the art of knowing this, a glorious sublimity that praises us despite our many failings. Humor transcends and the monarch of wit himself has us in stitches, thinking and thanking in full recognition of our selves in slips and slides of others. 


We invent what we ruminate. Abandoning self-hearing is funny. It results in toxic levels of irony at its height and tragedy at its depth. Humor is not only a valid enterprise held within the origin of evolvement, it is a guide through the labyrinth of obscene intellect to a place where traces of angelic ideology dwells undaunted and unfallen. 

The Green Stage in The Humorous Land of Monaco

So many of us are in a hurry to get somewhere or do something. While there's always someplace to travel, we don't all need to go. To the store. To the conference. To the meeting. To the land of enlightenment. Maybe the soul is the chosen landscape. Isn't heaven what you make of it? If no one is happy here, how are they prepared to dwell in eternity? If you can be happy here, you can be happy anywhere, right? Same thing visa versa, if you're not happy here, you won't be happy anywhere. 

Poise is composure, gracefulness, elegance, balance, and control. Grace Kelly was considered by many to be the epitome of equanimity. In the above picture with Louis Armstrong, who mindfully plays a tune toward the poised in all situations, Kelly, you can see just how nostalgia came into being. 

Monaco is, for me, the most nostalgic of locations. This sovereign city state on the French Riviera is vast becoming the world's green stage. Bordered on three sides by its fashionably dignified and highly cultured neighbor, France; its leader, Prince Albert II, is rising to our "common global challenge that requires urgent and concrete action in response to three major environmental issues: climate change, biodiversity and water." 

Prince Albert II, Sovereign Prince of Monaco, is the head of the House of Grimaldi. Prince Albert, the worlds' green prince, served as the International Patron of the 'Year of the Dolphin', stating that it gave him the opportunity to renew his firm commitment towards protecting marine biodiversity. Prince Albert, a key player in protecting the environment, could literally turn Monaco into the world's first modern day Utopia, and a haven for humanity's timeless dance - humor. 

Humor radiates from the enchantment and smiling delight of a young couple's first encounter. In the words of Baudelaire, "where madder hearts are winging, in their butterfly fashion, than these more jolly, that wander in the shadows over this Ball of whirling Folly." (The Beacons, 1965). 

Humor, in its highest attainment, delights us with hints of love; its courtesy waits for others, it is expected but still unknown, and offers only grace for those who willingly allow silence to be filled with happiness. 

"I am the land of their fathers,

In me the virtue stays. 

I will bring back my children

After certain days." 

Kipling

Grace Kelly was preceded by Miss Lanchester, who became one of the most beautiful people in the world of Mrs. Everard Cotes. "A creature of perfect grace and deep, happy eyes; the flash of her smile, if you caught it, promptly turned your head to look again. Her face simply was, you admitted and acclaimed it, among the heaven-sent things in a world." 

Night falls and the Prince of Happiness, like Cotes, charms us into suspending disbelief. The silence is only broken by the sound of an overflowing fountain or a child's innocent giggle. In every direction, kindness abounds and open paths graciously appear before us, inviting leisurely wanderings in an almost imaginary dreamworld whose ambiance of literary, artistic and environmental impressionism sweep away the fast-paced modern frenzy with nuances of delectable vibrancy. 

If you listen closely, you can hear the elusive vibration of music as if it were playing from the smiles of each inhabitant's soul. A serenade of rapturous enchantment so contagious no one would resist. In turn, its musical cadence could dissolve the boundaries between Paradise and Hell with smiles that soften personal identity to a state where creative virtue co-exists as a life-fostering gift of creative imagination. Here, we can laugh again. 

When we laugh, all is alive and well. Puppet theaters entertain children and the society of constraint discovers that the true theater of life is the natural expression of living it. Laugher is a happy expression of beingness. Monaco, in my mind, is a state geared to stage the environmental performance of a lifetime, for the future benefit of all the world's inhabitants. 

The theatrical manipulation of triumphs over both religion and commerce has, throughout history, brought us to a state of constantly trying to upstage them. Like Antonio, who stands for wealth through trade, who hardly enjoys, despite his position; we, the audience of the world, are still playing the part of fool. The festive enjoyment of life and laughter have given way to the lowest theatrical level whereby we hold onto ideas and let slip tiny, innocent hands from our grip. (The Merchant of Venice)

We are allowing ourselves to play the part of Antonio. Alas, even Antonio had his shinning moments. Sadness did not stop him from helping others in their pursuit of happiness. Unstinting generosity produces abundance, onstage and off in the theater of our minds, the theater of our hearts, the theater of our souls, and in the environmental theater where all those entities dwell - Earth. 

The world fell in love with Monaco because it was the home of the lovely Princess Grace. Its landscape, the shape of a diamond ring; its fountains produce the offspring of gold, and its appreciation for life is its symbolic icon which has been brought to the forefront of the world by its very own Prince Albert II. 

Vitality sides with festivity and entertainment. Having applauded a humorous production at the theater, we all return to our homes with renewed bliss...bliss, which leads to altruistic spirit. 

From the standpoint of the environmental landscape of the future, it would seem that Monaco would impress even that most splendid of playwrights, William Shakespeare, as being a land small enough in size and big enough in heart to raise, by example, the world toward a greener path. 

"All the world's a stage" ... treat it as such. 

The Etiquette of Humor V

The first time we greet someone presents us with a unique opportunity that cannot come our way again: the chance to make a positive first impression. While a tautology, this statement is both true and funny. However, this clever witticism is no joking matter for those who value propriety. 

Our appearance and our manners play an important part in forming an impression in someone else's mind, an impression that lingers for the entire course of the relationship.  

Couples who have been married for decades often times, and with ease, recant their first meeting. "She was wearing a lovely blue dress," my grandfather said of my grandmother recalling their first encounter at a military officer's dance. "Not a day went by that I didn't think about how beautiful she looked as she gaily colored the room with her radiant smile. Her eyes shown as brightly as that blue dress of hers."  

Today, formal greetings are primarily limited to business or political events and meetings. Often times, instead of a friendly, "Hello," we instead hear, "Yo," or "How ya doin'?" (used as a greeting, not as a sincere question about one's well-being). Rare is it in general discourse to hear, "How do you do," which is a nice way of saying, "Nice to meet you" without placing oneself in a position in which you are obligated to stand and listen to a complete stranger describe a rotten day. 

Many people consider formality to be a stilted form of communication of an bygone era. Greeting customs have historically been highly culture- and situation-specific and vary depending upon one's social status and relationship. Yet, they exist in every culture. In the West, verbal greetings are often met with a handshake and direct eye contact. 

Since general greetings, such as, "How are you?" are used in lieu of "Pleased to meet you," they should be considered as such and accompanied by a congenial, "Fine, thank you" response or a "Very well, thank you" response.  

Prematurely introducing humor into a first encounter, unless at a specific event or location whereby humor is expected, is inappropriate. However, once general rapport is established, or if the encounter is between an adult and a child, with the adult trying to alleviate nervousness on behalf of a child, humor, then, is perfectly acceptable and often times a pleasant attitude to encounter. 

Whether the event is large or small, it is definitely a "social," encounter, requiring that those involved make every effort to introduce themselves in a way that is both courteous and friendly. Put aside whatever you are thinking about for the moment to focus on the other person and convey a sense of interest.  

In the world of social networking, many people comment, unsolicited, on "feeds" between other people they do not know. When conversations occur between other people, it is inappropriate to chime in and voice an opinion (unless publicly invited to do so). However, it is inexcusably rude to voice a negative opinion about someone in public forum, unless said forum calls for it, such as in a political or otherwise type of public debate. Still, there are formalities and etiquette that should be followed in said occasions. 

In some countries, women are less involved in business transactions than they are in the United States. American women, accordingly, should be prepared to have their hands kissed instead of shaken in some European and South American countries, and to find some Oriental and Mideastern businessmen who are not prepared to shake hands with women as readily as they do with men. 

Many Europeans shake hands each time they meet, even if they have seen each other several times previously the same day. Americans traveling in Europe, male and female, should be prepared to shake hands enthusiastically and frequently. 

This does not include the use of a hand buzzer. 

The Etiquette of Humor IV

The Etiquette of Humor

IV. HOW NOT TO CONVERSE

The Bragger

There’s a big difference between sharing our accomplishments and those of our loved ones with close family members, and extolling their virtues to anyone we happen to meet. Close friends and family members allow us to brag a little because they are just as pleased as we are about positive, successful outcomes. Notwithstanding, it is those closest to us who witness to the internal fortitude, hard work, and heart that goes into such matters in the first place. In this respect, light bragging is less about singing our own praises as it is about celebrating life’s successes along the pathway of our shared journey.

Others are not as interested in our successes. Even when we’re bursting with pride, the good-humored conversationalist does not go on and on about what a wonderful job they did, or how bright their child is. Many recognize this due to past social blunders where they held someone uncomfortably captive with their good news story, and try to curtail it with self-deprecating humor. Rather than stoop to lower our self in the eyes of others, and most importantly, in our own eyes, the eyes with which are intended to navigate our success in life, a little lighthearted humor can go a long way. The subtlety of a photograph with a child wearing spectacles and reading a hardbound book delivers the same “kids are smart” punch line without anyone getting hit in along the way.

In the same respect, when the conversational captive of a braggart, comment politely about their remarks and try to redirect the conversation. Abruptly changing the subject can leave a proud parent feeling socially awkward for having shared their good news. As such, responding to another’s good fortune with a good-humored response can both acknowledge the other person’s pride while simultaneously and smoothly opening the pathway for more general conversation that can be shared in equal terms. Sociability is all about navigating the nuances of equality. 

The Etiquette of Humor III

The Etiquette of Humor

III. WHAT NOT TO SAY

Humorous conversation should not be made to be about someone, especially in a group, even among a group of close friends. “Whew,” remarked a friend of mine once after a differ party where a woman we both knew laughingly dissected the life of another friend, “if she talks like that about so-and-so, I wonder what she says about me!”

One of the kindest people I know, when faced with this situation, immediately halts the speakers by saying, “Goodness, so-and-so always has such nice things to say about you!” and then immediately changes the topic or follows it up with a lighthearted joke. When confronted with a question about someone or a topic she doesn’t particularly care for, she finds something positive to say, even if it is about the condition of someone's front lawn, the high polish on someone’s car, or a feel-good news story she recently saw on the news. She knows that public gossip about others is an unbefitting topic and that joking about someone behind their back is the same as backstabbing them (only in public, there are eyewitnesses - so, be careful!)  

Consequently, the person who does not engage in mean-spirited joking at another’s expense is generally known as someone who never says a mean thing about another.

No matter how strongly tempting it may be to pass along a nasty joke at someone else’s expense or to join in a group talking unkindly about one group or another, don’t do it. It doesn’t just defame the character of the other person; it defames you in the process. Tactful people keep their prejudices to themselves, taking care not to revel them in social jesting.

If you find another person’s joke distasteful or totally unacceptable, try to change the subject as soon as possible. If you care too intensely about a subject, it is dangerous to allow yourself to say anything. That is, if you can only expound your own fixed point of view, then you should never mention the subject except as a platform speaker. If, on the other hand, you are able to listen with an open mind, you may safely speak on any topic. After all, any mutually interesting topic may lead to one about which you don’t agree. Then take care! It is much better to withdraw unless you can argue without bitterness or bigotry. Argument between coolheaded, skillful opponents may be an amusing game, but it can be very, very dangerous for those who become hotheaded and ill-tempered.

It is like rubbing salt into an open wound to make such careless remarks about someone’s personal appearance such as “What happened to Susie’s weight? She went away to school fit as a fiddle and returned looking as if she swallowed it?” or “So, what’s really wrong with the Jones’ son?”

These questions may sound unbelievable, but they are the types of “set-up” questions many people continue to ask. If you have any sense, you wouldn’t repeat them or allow them to proliferate.

If, for example, you’re speaking with your grandmother, you wouldn’t tell her jokes about getting old, just as you wouldn’t make off-color remarks or complain about having to walk all the way through a congested mall to a person who is disabled and cannot walk.

It is not only unkind to ridicule or criticize others, but the tables can well be turned on those who do. A young girl asked a boy she hoped to date, “How can you possibly go out with her?” “It’s easy,” he replied, “she’s my sister!”

It is also tactless to ask someone why they are not married, why they have no children, only have one arm, or why they are wearing a bandage or eye patch. Never ask someone whether he or she has had cosmetic surgery because they look so much better than they used to! The person who is ill will only be depressed that it shows, the person who looks better does not appreciate your attributing the improvement to cosmetic surgery, even if that is the case. In other words, there is no need to comment at all about a great number of things, just because we can. Many topics are extremely personal and should be respected as such. If a person wants to talk about a personal matter, he or she should be allowed to initiate the conversation; it is never up to us to do so. 

The Etiquette of Humor II

II. SOCIAL JESTING

Careful consideration of another’s tolerance for humor should be considered prior to the utilization of it.  Nearly all the faults or mistakes commonly made in invoking humor in conversation are caused by not thinking or a by a lack of consideration of what is considered humorous rhetoric. No one responds favorably to debauched humor, which only evokes the need for common etiquette. Consequently, there is a need for etiquette in humor as a natural companion of conversation. 

When a person can tell a story about how their car broke down on the way to the party and have everyone laughing, they’re jesting. Jesting, like the Italian scherzo, is light-hearted in nature. Yet, someone who constantly tries to be funny is generally a bore. Relying on sincerity, clarity and an intelligent choice of conversational subjects, in particular the inclusion of appropriate humor, is safer and therefore a more attractive feature in social behavior.

Some individuals become the life of the party because, in their presence, all feel included and welcome, participating in the repartee like component parts of a fast-moving humorous composition. The twists, personally delivered to the subject by the storyteller, delight listeners and lure them into further discourse. These discussions sparkle with humor and goodwill.

Other individuals talk and talk to the point that eyes glaze over. Rather than probing for appropriate subject matter; these individuals often race to the finish line without first declaring it a race. These discussions receive minimal response, and in polite company, are tolerated but not always comfortably received. The occasional eyebrow may lift across a crowd of listeners during the story being shared. This results in irregularities by which the group disperses at the first sign of an open exit.

Serving food or a bottle of wine at a party provides a good opener for the introduction of humorous discourse. “This is a beautiful D’Arenburg wine from Australia, gently handled through the winery,  guided through the Demoisy crusher, and openly fermented by traditional foot treading, which not only takes 18 months of barrel maturation in old French and American oak to tickle the palate, but to also get rid of the stains on their feet.” 

When complimenting the host or hostess for the time he or she invested in the eloquence of his or her presentation, an individual may respond with a small pleasantry such as, “I have so little time to be creative in the kitchen that this is a real treat!”  this statement can then be followed by the polite, “Do you cook?” in order to move the conversation along or as a potential opening to further humorous repartee, such as “Only when I have to.”  

Asking questions can both initiate and carry on a conversation. Requesting advice can win instant popularity. Asking an avid photographer which type of camera they’d recommend you take on a holiday to the mountains is a good way to break the ice. However, humorously recanting a story about a time when you stopped by the side of the mountain to take a photograph of a scenic shot, only to accidentally trip and drop your camera 2,000 feet down the side of the cliff, can win you instant notoriety whilst eagerly engaging listeners. These are the people who receive the most invitations to social gatherings. Their stories delight others and help make the party a success. 

Humorous compliments, when well crafted, can help alleviate shyness many people have about being too personal in public. If you are one who finds it difficult to deliver a firsthand compliment, you can instead give one “once removed.”  “I hear from Jake that you’re a sharpshooter at the paintball range. What I want to know is, how do you avoid looking like you were just tossed around in a rainbow machine when you leave the park?” This self-directed quip does not leave the receiver of a compliment with a mere “Thank you” response or a self-depreciating “I’m not that good,” with nothing further to say. The humorous question added on at the end of a pleasant compliment gives the receiver of it an opportunity to laugh and continue the conversation with something relevant to add. 

When a nice thought about someone crosses your mind, share it. If people did this more frequently the world would be a happier place. Remember, however, that a compliment is delectable, whereas flattery is indigestible. 

If you are the individual being complimented you will want to show your appreciation and pleasure. Do not belittle the compliment or simper it with coquettish gestures. If someone compliments you on your outfit, do not reply with “Oh this thing,” or “Are you blind?”  The appropriate response to any compliment is to say “Thank you,” or “I’m so glad you like it,” or the pleasant “Aren’t you nice to say so.” If you wish to add a humorous self-directed quip to break the ice you could say something like “It’s new. I hope I remembered to take off all the tags!” This imagery is humorous and generally elicits a laugh or two. 

Humorous jesting applied to compliments is permissible and generally desirable in social discourse. Unpleasant remarks, or remarks that make another person uncomfortable, are definitely in bad taste. Just as jests that insinuate or conceal a hidden message. The old adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  The same adage applies to humor, “If it’s not funny for everyone present, it’s not humor.” 

Humor can be used to make someone less self-conscious of a perceived fault. Imagine that you are at a party and accidentally get a run in your stockings. If you have a spare in your purse, you can go change. If there’s a store nearby, you can always graciously bow out and go buy a pair, returning of course with an hors d’oeuvre or a bottle of wine for the hostess.  If there’s no escape, you can always place a Band-Aid over the run turning a flaw into surrealist artistic expression. This "silent movie" behavior uses positive Freudian methods of free association, where poetry and prose draw upon the world of the mind, unharnessing surrealistic humor. Without speaking, it is there for the wandering eye to discover. This transfers the laugh from the awkwardness a woman might feel with the run in her stockings at a dinner party to the inanimately humorous Band-Aid openly failing to conceal the run in a: “If you can’t beat them, join them” attitude. 

Transferring human frailty to material flaws is artistic and aesthetically funny. It illustrates absurdity in social values, visually expressing cynicism about conventional ideas of form and beauty. The ability to laugh at oneself has the broadest appeal, affording an individual the appearance of self-confidence without having to draw negative attention to themselves by complaining, in particular about something that cannot at the present time be fixed. The Band-Aid strategy is therefore instantly recognized as something that allows someone else to hold onto a semblance of dignity in a witty way.

The Etiquette of Humor

The Etiquette of Humor

I. THE HUMOROUS CONVERSATIONALIST 

Humorous conversation is the utilization of wit and oratory with the intent to bring eloquence to an exchange of thought.  Fortunately, it is not essential to be humorous to be considered someone with whom others are delighted to talk. An ability to express interest in another person and to express our own thoughts and feelings clearly and simply is sufficient for ordinary conversation. 

Humorous conversation, like ordinary conversation, should be a manner of equal, give-and-take. Humorous conversation is employed when one individual, for whom humorous conversation comes easily, naturally recognizes it as such and in turn makes a concerted effort to utilize humor without monopolizing the conversation, but rather to raise the level of satisfaction in the name of common interest. 

In the same exchange, the individual less comfortable with employing humor should accept these overtures as the other’s attempt to bring a sense of panache to the conversation, which is considered by most an intellectual delight, and so should be graciously received as such. On rare occasion, the initiation of humorous conversation may lead to an equally balanced, delightful give-and-take discourse in return, and so should be encouraged in honor of conscious solidarity.

            

There is a simple rule by which good humor can be measured: equal satisfaction and common delight. 

If you dread interacting with people because you are concerned you will not be able to think of something witty to say, remember that most humorous conversational errors are committed not by those who joke too little but by those who joke around too much. This does not place sole blame on the latter person’s error alone. Often times, silence disproportions conversation to an equally uncomfortable experience whereby instinctual and behavioral coping skills are invoked to navigate a dreaded discussion toward an expedient conclusion. While there are some who forcefully speak, speaking is not synonymous with talking or humorous conversation and is instinctively recognized as an experience of the inverse - all take and no give.

            

When a non-conversationalist engages in discourse with a conversationalist, the person, be it a speaker or listener, can become overwhelmed to the point that they do not hear a word that is said by the other because he or she is trying so desperately to think of what to say next. 

The etiquette of humorous discourse, if honored by both participants, can alleviate concern and serve as a model upon which to discourse. The practical rule of humorous engagement is to converse by the framework within which humorous discourse can be carried out. Such rules may be general or specific, and there will notably be variances between cultures, however, when in principle applied, should satisfy the most discerning.

            

Rules of humorous conversation provide those who utilize humor direction to engaging humorous conversation with a degree of confidence that their efforts are conducted within a defensible framework. It provides individuals wishing to utilize humor in conversation with a clearly delineated set of responsibilities and constraints.

            

Utilizing humor in conversation should be done so with a degree of mindfulness. When and with whom humor may be used, which forms are appropriate and acceptable, and what evidence is required to support their use should be given due consideration. Haphazardly introducing humor into a conversation should be avoided until the benefits of doing so would be considered meritorious.  

            

Humorous conversation is all about timing. It means not rushing ahead without thinking, paying attention to the expression of the person with whom you are talking; and listening attentively, in other words, a sympathetic listener. It is important to really hear what is being said. A fixed expression of opinion or indifference can cause your mind to wander far away resulting in disproportionate silence or self-centered conversation.

            

Everyone loves to talk to a captivated listener. As such, it is considerate to engage all people present in the conversation. As a rule of thumb, humor should be utilized in proportion equal to the individuals present, the one who uses humor more than one-third of the time is not having a conversation but is giving a speech.